Mentors and Friends

On Friday, February 18th, I lost one of my mentors and a dear friend - Julius Alexander "Sandy" Beam. My relationship with Beam goes back 40 years, when I walked into his classroom at Franklin Elementary School on my first day of 1st Grade. In many ways that day was one of the most important days of my life, because on that day I began a life long love affair with music. All because of Sandy Beam.

For the next 12 years, of my schooling, Beam opened up a new world of music to me, and my life has been all the richer for it. In my time with him I learned to not only recognize by site, but sound, ALL the pieces of an orchestra, I fell in love with Tchaikovsky, was cast in my first musical, met Sweeney Todd, sang all over the southeast, got sent to the office my ONLY time for eating M&M's in his class, learned that music comes in all shapes, forms and styles, and learned to see the poetry in music - even when there were no words.

For the past 10 years I have worked with Beam, here at FPC Mt. Airy. Each Sunday I have had the privilege of watching Beam praise and glorify God through music. And if it is possible, my love of music has grown even deeper. And for the last three years he has been my son's voice teacher, and has helped him "find his voice".

So what do you do when your friend and mentor dies? You break down. Plain and simple. And you feel a hole in your being and you wonder how it will ever be filled. You mourn and you grieve and you cry. Then what? You pick yourself up and start all over again, and how do you do that, with the help and love of your friends.

When I received the news about Beam, I was AT a funeral for the mom of my best friend. I tried to hold it together, because after all I was there for him. Then my friend put his arms around me and I let go of my grief and we cried together...John for his loss, me for Beam, and both of us for each other. In the days since, so many things have been reinforced for me. There is always music in the background of my life, but the last few days it has moved to the foreground, and I am more aware of the beauty and poetry that surrounds me.

I am also keenly aware of the role my friends play in my life. They are constantly here to love, support, challenge, and forgive me, but I have to be willing to open myself up to them. The same way I opened myself up to Beam and all the new music 40 years ago...I have to open myself up to my friends and let them be there for me, just like I am there for them.

Mentors and friends build us up in different ways and prepare us for the big wide world around us, and I thank God for both of them.

Rest in peace my dear friend.

Love songs...

Well here we are - Valentine's Day. A day that, depending on which side of the fence you sit - attached or unattached, has lots of different emotions attached to it. I know that for a lot of people Valentine's Day is really rough, but I for one really love VDay. I guess deep down inside I am a romantic. I want the fairy tale, the happy ending, the night in shining armor. Love stories. Chick Flicks. Sonnets. Love Poems. Love Letters...bring 'em on! I love them all!! Yesterday I blogged about some of my favorite love story/chick flicks. Today it is love songs, and boy am I a sucker for one.

So today I decided to post videos of a few of my all time favorites:

1) A little old school -

2) Now a little pop -

3) How about a little country -

4) Must have some classical -

5) A little jazz -

6) The Beatles -

7) Ok, the Beatles get two -

8) And finally a little Disney -

I hope you enjoy these songs, and they make you smile as much as they make me smile.

Love stories

Why is it that we are so in love with love stories? I think it is our innate desire to share our lives with another person. To know that we connect on some deeply personal level with another human being. To know that we are not alone in this world, and that there is at least one other person (that's not our mom or dad) out there who cares if we get home safely, are sick, had an argument with our best friend, are lonely, and who knows our secrets and still wants to snuggle up to us at the end of the day.

Lately there have been several studies, that Hollywood love stories set men and relationships up to fail, because they give women unfair expectations of men and those relationships. The thing about it is, love stories have caught our imagination and allowed us to dream - Jane Austen, the Bronte Sisters, Shakespeare, etc. - long before Hollywood came along and put it on film.

Relationships are hard work. It's two people trying to make one life. It's two people learning to give and take in equal proportions. It's two people learning to forgive and REALLY forget, not just store it away until it can be used again. I'm not saying that life is ever like it is in the movies. I have yet to stop in the middle of something and say "wow, this is just like in the movies". Yet, I think love stories serve a very important role in our lives - they give us hope. Hope, that in this oftentimes dark and hurtful world there is a love for each of us. Will my relationship ever be like a Meg Ryan & Tom Hanks movie? No. Can I learn things from watching one of those movies that might help my relationship? I think you can. I am not a psychologist, I am not a film critic. I don't know if these kinds of movies really do more damage than good. I just know I like them. They make me smile, laugh, cry and in a way love more intensely.

So, here I sit on the day before Valentine's Day offering you a list of some of my favorite love stories. Pick one or two and watch them tomorrow, and then AFTER talk about what was realistic, and what was not...you might be surprised at your conversation.

My favorite movie love stories (in no particular order)

1. Casablanca
2. Sleepless in Seattle
3. Doctor Zhivago
4. Notting Hill
5. Hope Floats
6. Pride and Prejudice
7. An Affair to Remember
8. Gone With The Wind
   
9. Return To Me
10. Chocolate'
11. Sound of Music
12. The Shop Around the Corner/You've Got Mail
13. A Room With A View
14. Philadelphia Story
15. When Harry Met Sally

Less is More

I have too much stuff. Do you? I bet you do too. Last night I came across this on a web page:

less

Stop buying the unnecessary.
Toss half your stuff, learn contentedness.
Reduce half again.
List 4 essential things in your life, do these first,
stop doing the non-essential.
Clear distractions, focus on each moment.
Let go of attachment to doing, having more.

Fall in love with less.

I found myself sitting and re-reading this simple 8 line doctrine over and over again.

This morning it is on my mind yet again...fall in love with less! As I look around my house I am struck by how much stuff I do have, and I have less than some of my friends. What is this stuff that fills, inhabits and many times clutters up my life? Some of it is stuff that's sentimental - gifts from family and friends that mean a great deal to me. Some of it is stuff that belongs to my family, that, shock shock, has not made it back to the place it belongs. Some of it is stuff that needs to be sorted, shredded, recycled and tossed. Some of it is stuff that I have collected for years, that unfortunately I have now run out of room for and it is slowly taking over my house. And some of it is stuff that I am just too lazy to get rid or, worse yet, keep, because I - say it with me - might NEED/WANT/WEAR/USE it someday!

Stuff, stuff, stuff!!! Clutter, clutter, clutter!!!

It is everywhere in my house, my office and my life. Pondering all the physical clutter in my life has made me start to wonder about the other kinds of clutter in my life: emotional, mental, spiritual, relational, and physical. Is the rest of my life as cluttered as some parts of my house? I'm sure it is.

So my question now becomes, how do I begin the VERY daunting process of de-cluttering, and de-stuffing my life? The actual physical stuff of my life is probably the easier of those two tasks to accomplish, it's a matter of just getting started! Maybe, it's just a shelf or a drawer, and not the whole closet that I do, but today I will unclutter one part of my house today.

Decluttering my emotional, mental, spiritual, relational and physical life will be a LOT harder. First, I need to decide what is actual clutter and what is still vital. Then I need to figure out how to move those things that clutter up my heart, mind, soul and body up and out. Finally, I need to reorder the essential parts and try to use them daily, and keep ME uncluttered.

It is going to be a daunting process but one that I think I am ready to tackle. Will you join me?

One Day At a Time

One day at a time!

Such a simple phrase. Such a simple concept. Yet, it is one that I think most of us struggle with on a daily basis. I started this blog in 2009, and haven't posted anything since May of that year. Looking back on what has happened in my life since then I realize that I am guilty of living 16, 425 days in the past (I'll let you do the math), or an infinite number of days into the future.

During that time, I was faced with, and had to come to grips with some very unpleasant things from my past. So I spent days and weeks reliving all those events. Trying to figure out why things happened the way they did, and what I could have done differently. I agonized over each and every decision I had made. I second and third and fourth guessed myself. I was miserable, maybe even as miserable as I was then.

Then we found out that my mom was terminally ill, and suddenly every day was filled with counting the days we had left - we thought it would be 2-3 months it turned out to be 9 DAYS! Nine days that we could have taken a day at a time and savored and enjoyed, but that were lost in thinking ahead and counting ahead, and getting things done NOW, so we can enjoy "the time we have left".

The last year has been about pulling myself back together...and in many ways learning to truly live life one day at a time. The thing about it is, for all my agonizing, worrying and second guessing - I couldn't and DIDN'T change one thing from my past - because it can't be done. None of us have the ability to go back in time and change what has already happened. Is the past a part of who we are? Absolutely! There is no way that the events of our past will not shape the person we will become. They will, but we can decide HOW we want them to impact our life. To paraphrase - will we use our past for good or for evil? Which brings me to my next question. Can we learn from our past? Absolutely! Part of determining HOW our past will impact our life, is to try and learn from those events, and not be caught in the cycle of repeating the same action and hoping for a different outcome.

However, living life one day at a time, isn't just about not obsessing over the past, it's also about not getting lost in the future. I don't know about the rest of you, but my Magic 8 Ball isn't always right...matter of fact it's mostly wrong. If my Magic 8 Ball were right I would be Mrs. Shaun Cassidy, living in Greece, be fabulously wealthy, and have 4 children and 2 Afghan Hounds! The thing is none of us can predict the future. We can look at past events, that we have hopefully learned from and guesstimate how things might turn out, but ultimately it is ONLY a guess. So we find ourselves so absorbed in looking down the road at what we - think, hope, fear, wonder, dream of, long for, or dread - that we miss what is right here in front of us.

In the Gospel of Matthew 6:24 we see this short but powerful statement, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." As I have dealt with all the pain, sadness, heartaches, joys, happiness and blessings over the last, almost, 2 years I have tried to live my life one day at a time. To look at the past, not as something that can be changed, but as something I can learn from and that has made me the person I am. To look at the future, not as something to predict, but as an adventure that unfolds for me each and every hour. Do I succeed? Not every day - some days the past ambushes me, sometimes the future overwhelms me - but there are more days that I live just for the day it is. So let's try to all just take it one day at a time, and remember that each day, in it's own way, is a beautiful day!