A Year of LAST Firsts

Our daughter is a Senior in High School and so this school year has become a year of LAST firsts for us. I have known all along that this year was going to be different from any other school year we had experienced, due to her status as a Senior, but I really wasn't prepared for how bitter-sweet it was going to be for me.

Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED that my baby girl is a Senior and getting ready to start a new part of her life journey. I am THRILLED that I have had the privilege of watching her grow from an adorable baby in my arms, to a beautiful, loving, gracious, giving, smart, and funny young woman. I am THRILLED that she is excited about this year and the new adventures that lie ahead of her. I am THRILLED that she has a good head on her shoulders and has plans for her future. I am THRILLED to know her, and love her, and support her, and in a much too short time send her off to college.

BUT

I wasn't prepared for all of these LAST FIRSTS that we are experiencing in our home. These are things that we have taken for granted for the last 12 years of her life. Things that in the grand scheme of things are just tiny blips on the radar of her life - yet they are things that have taken on a new significance for me: LAST open house at school, LAST first day of school, LAST school pictures (and they are Senior pictures at that), LAST time filling out all those forms in HER name, LAST golf match, LAST Girl Scout meeting...and the list will only grow as the year progresses. Now, I know that you are laughing and calling me a sentimental old fool at some of the things that have made my breath catch in my throat and bring a tear to my eye - and you would be right - but this is my first baby, DANG-IT!! I also know that I am not done since we still have three years of high school with our wonderful son, but in the not too distant future some of the same things will be making me tear up with him as well.

So now that I have made a fool of myself I will say once again that I am THRILLED for her and EXTREMELY proud of her, even if there is a little tear in my eye as I type this.

Rain, rain rain...

Tropical Storm Lee moved into the area yesterday and it has rained ever since. Rain is one of those weird things that bring out so many mixed emotions in people. As a rule I love rainy days - they are days made for relaxing and curling up with a good book. Or are they? Maybe they are made for playing, laughing and stomping in puddles. Of course rainy days are perfect for introspection and reflection.

Now don't get me wrong, there are days when rain is the last thing I want to see, but it seems to me that unlike other weather events, rainy days offer a wider variety of emotions. Rain falling is life giving. It nourishes every living thing on this planet. When it rains after a long dry spell you can almost feel the world coming back to life. Yet, too much rain can bring us down emotionally and physically.

I have always thought that rain was very musical. I remember lying on my grandmothers bed listening to the rain on the tin roof and knowing that I was hearing the music of heaven. As I sit here listening to the rain I am struck again by how musical it sounds...the low rumble of the downpours, the high pinging of the drops on the leaves, the percussion of the drops on the roof.

As we move into another musical night of rain I wanted to share some of my favorite rain songs with you...maybe one of them will resonate with the way you are feeling tonight too...one resonates deeply with my soul tonight, I'll let you decide which one.









Rain, rain, rain...

Paper Journal verses On-line Journal

Recently I began keeping two journals - one for my personal thoughts and one for those gems of wisdom, great ideas etc. that you come across in your daily wanderings. One I keep in a wonderful little leather-bound book that I carry with me, and one is on-line - and I don't know which I like better.

Paper Journal: I love the freedom of being able to pull out my journal and a pen (must be colored - I'll talk about that more in a minute) and start to write. It is immediate and fulfilling. I love the physical sensation of writing. I love seeing the words fill up a page and then flow onto the next page, and when I have finished and I look back over my words I have a sense of accomplishment. Since I always write in color my paper journal also satisfies my artistic side. Not only are the words colorful (and often match the mood that I am writing in - funny though, even when I am very down, I NEVER write in my journal in black!) Writing in color also allows me to make my entry more artistic and descriptive with doodles and pictures of my own invention.

However, writing long hand can take time and if I don't have the time to sit and write I often let the thought, feelings, memory or the inspiration pass me by. It also, limits the amount of creative doodling and writing I am able to do. If I find a picture or something that speaks to me I have to take it with me cut it out and tape it in my journal - time consuming, forces me to wait (which isn't a bad thing), and there is always the chance that I will lose or damage the item before I can get it into my journal. And then there is the whole issue of privacy - with a paper journal you always run the risk of losing it or leaving it laying out and someone reading it.

On-line Journal: Because of the amount of time I spend each day on the computer it is immediate satisfaction. As soon as I see something I can write about it write then and there. I can add a link to my journal so I can easily return to the web-site, picture, blog...whatever it was that spoke to me...and relive it in it's entirety. I can add music, graphics, videos, cartoons - whatever - to my on-line journal and make it as artistic and representative me and the moment as I want. If I see something I can bookmark it and save it for later. I have increased privacy with passwords protecting my files. I can also choose, IF I WANT, to share my journal with whoever I want to with just the click of the mouse.

However, I can't always pull my lap-top out to make a journal entry. The entries, while they have things that I want to put in there, don't feel as personal as when I hand write/draw them. Just like my paper journal, I will bookmark things intending to come back and write about them later, and most of the time I just don't get back to it.

So all of this is to say I still don't know which one I prefer so I guess for now I will continue to keep both. Which do you prefer and why?

AWOL in Blog-land

I haven't posted anything since March of this year and it is now almost September. I don't know what to say...I've been busy (well I have - new semester of school, work, kids out for the summer, etc.)...I've been spending time with family and friends (true, but I could always do more of that)...I've been busy at work (already said that, but it's really an understatement)...I've been depressed and just don't want to (yep, and I think that is a huge part of this, and maybe that is why I'm back on here - trying to dig out of the whole I'm in.

Regardless...here I am...

The Little Mermaid and the Paradox of the Beacons

Those of you who know me, know that I LOVE my job! That it is truly a calling and my passion. Now, don't get me wrong, there are truly "job" things about what I do that I could live without, but for the most part I know I am where I am supposed to be.

One of the main reasons I love my job is that I get to spend a great deal of time with a group of people called the Beacons. I have said for years now that I have a little over 30 children, cause in many ways they are mine, and I love them very much. One of the things that I love about my time with them is the fact that they keep my mind in a whirl. They can go from one end of the spectrum and back in 3.2 seconds, and it boggles the mind. Last night was no exception in terms of keeping me on my toes, and it left me pondering a number of things.

It was movie night in the Tiki Room, and our film and discussion centered around The Little Mermaid. We had a great talk about call and following your passion and being true to your destiny and who you want to be. It was not until after they had all left that I really began to ponder the paradox that is the Beacons.

The Little Mermaid came out in 1989, several years before any of these kids were born, however, thanks to the Disney machine only 2 of the kids hadn't seen this classic movie before. I sat there and listened to these teenagers turn back the clock to their "childhood" and sing every song word for word. I sat there and listened to them laugh, and quote the movie. They were children again...without a care, lost in a world of mermaids, princesses, talking crabs, and happily ever after, and the only scary thing was Ursula the Sea Witch who gets her just desserts in the end. After the movie I shared some trivia with them about the film, one of which is that in the opening scene in the arena, if you look in the crowd you can see Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Donald Duck and Kermit the Frog...they spent the next 10 minutes having us advance the DVD second by second so they could play "where's Waldo" until they had found all four of them...and trust me, they ARE there!!!

It was during prayer time that I began to see the paradox. Teenagers get a bad rap. They have the reputation of being materialistic, narcissistic, bored and self-absorbed, with no concern for the world around them. Yet as I listened to their prayer requests, that was the farthest thing from the truth. They prayed for the people of Japan and Libya, for a cousin who lost a leg in Afghanistan, for two classmates who had died and a teacher that had committed suicide (this was all at the same school) and then for the student body that was reeling from this. They prayed for friends who were injured, they celebrated friends who had been recognized for their achievements, and they prayed for their friends going off to college, and those beginning the process.

And that is when the paradox reveal itself. In front of me sat a group of teens who minutes before were foot loose and fancy free, and yet at the same time they were not. They carry the same burdens we carry as adults - worries about family and friends, health, well-being, college and jobs when they are done, money, peace in the world and so much more.

George Bernard Shaw once said, "youth is wasted on the young". After last night, I disagree. I think we can learn something from these kids (and I don't mean JUST the kids I know...all of our kids). What I witnessed last night was, in my humble opinion, a small miracle. For a small amount of time this collection of kids with worries, burdens and concerns of their own...put them aside, and experienced God's gifts of joy, laughter, music, song, friends, and ice cream. Every day we are weighed down with life, it get's heavy carrying around all those worries and responsibilities. Maybe we all need to learn the art of being a child again and singing to the top of our lungs, because otherwise the weight of the day might just be too much!

Spring + Basketball + Drum Circles + More= A Fantastic Day

Yesterday was just a great day all the way around! Can I get an Amen?

It was one of those perfect North Carolina spring days - temps in the low 70's, no humidity, blue skies, windows down, birds singing kinda day. It was one of those days when Oscar the Grouch would have been hard pressed not to crack a smile. It was also one of those days when everything seems to just be better.

It was an amazing morning at FPC. There was an excitement in the air. The service and sermon were great! The girls in GS Troop 764 did a great job of leading worship, and surprising me with an award. The music was wonderful, and communion was moving.

My hummus at lunch just tasted more garbanzo beanier! The pretzels a little more crunchy. The grapes were a little sweeter.

Then there was a little thing called the ACC Championship game where the Duke Blue Devils trounced the Tar Heels of UNC to emerge victorious! Watching the Blue Devils play was just pure joy!

I knew it had been a good day, but there was more to come. Spring time in the Lighthouse with the Beacons is always a special time of year (not that every time of year isn't special with them). Their energy is high. The joy and laughter inside of them cannot be contained, and it spills out everywhere they go. Last night was no exception. So what do you do when it's a beautiful spring day, you've just had a great dinner, and you're with the people you love best? Why you form a spontaneous drum circle and make up a song about Sasquatch, that's what!



Scattered through out my day were conversations with friends (near and far) and family, scavenger hunts, confirmation time with Erica, and some chocolate. With my day ending, doing one of the things I love best, watching a movie in the Tiki Room.

So what does all of this have to do with Lent? To be honest I wasn't sure, until this morning. I sat down to read the devo for today and was greeted with the passage from Colossians 3:17 - "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Suddenly it all seemed to fall into place...Spring + Basketball + Drum Circles + More + GOD = A Fantastic Day. The thing that kinda hit me this morning is that it wasn't the spring weather, the hummus, or Duke or the Beacons...it was the feeling of peace that was with me yesterday. It was seeing God in the beautiful spring day. Hearing God in the laughter of the Beacons. Do I feel this way every day? Do I stop to notice these things every day? Do I do everything in the name of Jesus? No, no and no. But it's never too late to start. How about today?!

When the earth moves...

I had planned all along to try and blog every day as part of my personal Lenten journey...well life has happened and I am now in the third day of Lent and I am just now sitting down to blog. Well, I am going to look at it as a hiccup in a continually unfolding journey, not stress out, and just start writing.

It has been a little over two weeks since I have blogged...and what a two weeks it has been. So much has happened in my life and in the world, and maybe that's where I should start my blog on this third day of Lent. Today a massive earthquake hit Japan, and has triggered tsunamis all over Japan, the Pacific Rim, and the West Coast of the US. All morning I have watched images of the damage caused by both tsunami and earthquake; and have been reminded again and again how very fragile all of this is. So much damage has already been done, and there is more to come. As I sat and watched I was overwhelmed with sadness - obviously for those in the path of the destruction - but also for the rest of us who sit here and wonder and worry about family and friends, and who feel impotent to help.

Then, as so often happens, I had a "God-moment"...actually two.

The first God-moment came as I watched my facebook news feed swell with prayers, from friends around the world, for those impacted by this disaster. In a heartbeat I was reminded that while we may feel helpless, we are not alone. We are all surrounded by family and friends who share our worries, our sorrows, and our joys. I am also reminded that each of us in our own way is a person of faith, and that we are united in that faith. While I am not be able to stop the damage, I can join with my community of faith and pray and know that we are helping and not helpless.

The second God-moment came when I got to the office. Two months ago I ordered devotionals for our congregation to use during Lent. Now I skimmed this devotional pretty good before I ordered it, but did I read it word for word? No. So imagine my surprise (I really don't understand why I continue to be surprised by God, but I am) when I sat down to read the devo for the 3rd day in Lent and it was about...are you ready...EARTHQUAKES! (cue Twilight Zone music) Yep, that's right, the devo starts off talking about the devastating earthquakes in Haiti and Chile in 2010, but then it transitions into King David experiencing a personal earthquake, and feeling like his very foundation had been rocked. After I got over the whole Twilight Zone moment I realized that this is just another way that I am not alone. When the earthquakes happen in my life...and heaven knows there have been more than a few the last couple of weeks, heck the last couple of years...I have not been alone. I have been held in the hand of a loving and gracious Creator.

I continue to pray and weep for everyone impacted by this natural disaster, but I take comfort in knowing that in whatever upheavals we are caught - the upheaval of a natural disaster, or those that rock our personal foundation - we are surrounded by friends and family and a God that love beyond measure. Thanks be to God!